Peaches lied.

For the most part, life seems happy and good and heading in the right direction.  Things are exciting, even.  I look forward to events, people, goals, etc.  I feel like I’m where I need to be.  But then, every once in a while – usually at night, right before I fall asleep – I take a step back and realize that this is my reality now, and there is no going back.  I’m not on a break or vacation.  I’m not trying this new reality on for size before returning to my previous one.  I am here to stay.  The result is a mixture of grief and panic.  I keep having dreams of being on vacation in some other country and enjoying myself until I realize that, for one reason or another, I can’t come back home.  I’m stuck in that country forever, and have to make it my new home.  I know why I’m having those dreams; they are simply my mind’s metaphor for what’s happening in my life.  I am so, so homesick.  But there is no going back home.  Home is gone.  So now I must go about the onerous and seemingly impossible task of making this new reality my home.  Maybe someday I’ll actually succeed.


Cello Ambitions

I just woke up from a dream, which I wrote about in my dream blog, in which I was playing a cello that someone had given me.  Upon waking, I immediately remembered a woman I met last autumn in Vancouver at my Aunt Janet’s house.  Her name is Sharon, and she and I instantly clicked.  She’s Icelandic, so we bonded over our shared zeal for the little island country just south of the arctic circle that has a sublime music scene and the most beautiful language in the world.  But also, and more to the point, she is a cellist, and I’ve always wanted to play the cello but never had the opportunity.  I told her that it was still a dream of mine, but that at 31 it was probably too late to start.  She looked horrified by this statement and said, “Oh no!  I started playing cello when I was 45, and now I perform in the symphony orchestra.”  That was incredibly inspiring to me: it’s never too late to start.  So this dream came along last night to remind me that, although this desire might have been forgotten or ignored for a while, it is nonetheless latent, persistent, and best of all, attainable.  I may not be able to afford a cello or the lessons right now, but I’m putting it out in the universe: that’s what I want.  I’ll eventually get it, one way or another.

“This is coming right off of Jesus’ headband.”

O hai, blog.  I almost forgot about you.  Haven’t had much to say lately.  Then again, there’s this:

Minds In Morpheus: Not really a dream, but…

Minds In Morpheus: Not really a dream, but….